Fear Conquered

Deep, contented sigh.  :)  So, over the last couple of weeks, I've been giving my brain a serious course in memorization and cramming.  Its good for it, and I had no choice.

After Sleeping Beauty closed, I took a nice break where I did just normal day to day things...very low stress.  Of course, that didn't last long, nor did I really want it to if I am being honest with myself.  Let's face it:  if I'm not busy, I'm bored and depressed and no fun at all.

So, cue the craziness.  I agreed to do a number of things in a short amount of time:
1) Perform in a showcase for a new production company--memorize 45 minutes of music in one week (btw I was singing Second soprano).

2) Choreograph said showcase.

3) In that same week, shadow my choreographer friend and help her teach 200 high school choir students a Bollywood routine to Jai Ho.

4) Audition for the Southwest Shakespeare Company.

Now, numbers 1-3 were all fun, and though stressful at times, all in my total control and comfort zone.
Number 4 was not.  Here is something some of you may not know about me:  i HATE doing monologues. Seriously, hate.  Now, I know that I'm an actress and performer and I do that kind of stuff all the time, but monologues are different than acting in a show.  I mean, in their very nature, they are awkward and unnatural.  NOBODY talks to themselves in such complete sentences for that long.  nobody.  So when I decided to challenge myself and audition for Shakespeare, I must have been out of my mind.  I mean, these are the mothers of all monologues. The pressure to do one right is astounding.  Not to mention, I have never done a Shakespeare play before.  Who's to say I won't embarrass myself completely?

As soon as I scheduled an audition time, I started making plans to cancel it.  I was too nervous.  Who did I think I was?  Emma Thompson?  Please.  I am a pretty good singer, who can act alright and do some dance moves.  But a serious Shakespearean actor?  I think not.

I frantically called, texted, and emailed my friend Jere, who does tons of this stuff to help me find some monologues and coach me on them.  I was SO NERVOUS I was planning on backing out last minute.  But then Jere said he had already told the director I was coming and talked me up.  Great.  More pressure and no out.  But he did help me understand the language better, so that is a plus.

So I busted my but preparing these things.  I said them over and over and over.  Jordan probably thought I was  a crazy person.  So cue this last Friday.  The Audition.

All afternoon, I had been cleaning the afore-mentioned High school choir's dances and to be honest, a few of the freshman had made me crazy.  Seriously.  I wanted nothing more than to get out of there--so leaving for the audition was actually welcome.  I got there early and no one was there so they shooed me right in.  I didn't even have time to be nervous!  I did both of my monologues without any mistakes and the director told me he'd definitely be considering me for stuff.  Whew!

Now what?  I wait.  Here's the weird part.  All I wanted was to successfully complete a Shakespearean audition.  Check.  But to do an actual part in a play?  WHOA.  Way too much pressure.